Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choice. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Choose one thing




Last week, Meg, Risa, and I went on vacation with Meg’s family, as we do almost every summer, to Hatteras Island on the Outer Banks of North Carolina.  It’s a long journey there and back, but while we’re there, life is pretty simple.  We’ve rented the same two houses by the beach for ten years or more, and we all settle quickly into a familiar rhythm: get up, do what you do first thing in the morning--run, do yoga, whatever—have some breakfast, and then carry the umbrellas and folding chairs and body boards and surfboards and whatever is required for a day of fun at the beach, over the dunes.  We set up our spot, spend a couple of hours playing in the water or on the sand, beachcombing, or just hanging out talking or reading, until it is time to go in for lunch.  Rinse off in the outdoor shower, eat lunch, take a nap.  Go back out to the beach for a couple more hours, and then haul everything back in for the night.  Take another shower and gather at the big house for dinner and games and conversation until bed.  Repeat.
As I say, it’s wonderfully simple, and while there is always sunburn to contend with, and insect bites, jellyfish stings, or swimmer’s ear, and the odd strained muscles, scrapes, and bruises from playing long and hard, it is for all of us, a happy time in a happy place.  So that’s why I’m always a little surprised, and a little chagrined, when I find that I’ve been there for two or three days and I’m still worrying.  I worry a little bit about the weather, about how windy it will be tomorrow, and whether it will rain, or if a fork of lightning will suddenly appear in that cloud on the southern horizon.  But mostly I worry about the logistics of getting everybody what they need: about whose turn it is to make dinner, and who will do the dishes, and whether it’s time to go get Grandpa Peter and push him out to the beach in his special wheelchair with the balloon tires.  And I worry about what’s fair, about whether I’m doing my share or doing more than my share.
Of course, there are fewer people to worry about, when I’m at the Outer Banks, than when I’m at my post here in Petaluma.    And the relief that comes from pulling back from my usual obligations and responsibilities is welcome and needed.  So I think I understand why people who can afford it go on luxury vacations where there’s someone paid even to haul the umbrellas to and from the beach, and to cook the meals, and clean up afterward, so one can focus entirely on rest and relaxation.  But, personally, I think I would miss the kind of companionship that comes from pitching in together to get things done, if it were entirely absent.  This is especially true now that the younger generation is mature enough to make a significant contribution to the team.  My nephews Nick and Chris helping me push Grandpa’s chair to the top of the dune was as meaningful to me as helping them get out on the Stand-up Paddleboard.  Not only that, but I imagine that even on a luxury vacation I would still find something to worry about, like whether I’d paid too much, or was tipping enough, or whether the staff secretly resentment me.      
Luke, more than the Gospel writers, recognizes that there was a logistical aspect to the ministry of Jesus of Nazareth.  It didn’t just spontaneously and miraculously unfold, but it required planning, organization, and management.  There was a message to share, and healings to perform, and unclean spirits to vanquish, but there were also beds to make, and dinner to cook and dishes to wash. So I think it would be a misreading of today’s story of Mary and Martha to say that following Jesus should be a kind of luxury vacation, where we don’t concern ourselves with anyone else’s needs.  And I don’t think that Jesus is saying here that there is one kind of discipleship, one oriented toward study and contemplation, which is better than another kind that is more about active service and social solidarity.  But Jesus is saying to Martha that scattering her attention on a multitude of tasks, and constantly worrying about how they are all going to get done, and resenting her sister for not helping out, isn’t bringing her any closer to what really matters. 
There is an element of the whole complex business of our lives that is not just one part among many.  It is not just one more of the things that we have to try to “fit in” along with all the others on our to-do list.   Jesus, you will notice, is reticent about even naming it, as if to do so would play into our eagerness to grasp on to one more thing to worry about and to try to accomplish.   He just cagily calls it the “better part” of life.  But he says it’s the only thing that we really need.  He also says that it is a choice, the choice that Mary has made. 
Martha also has made a choice, the choice to welcome Jesus into her home, but she seems to feel that having taken that step, she also took on a whole set of attendant duties, obligations and demands, that are no longer really optional.  And I imagine many of us can recognize something like this in our own experience.  At one point or another we made a choice that defined our lives--the choice of a spouse, of a profession, the choice to have children, the choice of a place to live, of a particular standard of living—and the consequences of those choices are so profound in terms of the responsibilities they entail that we have a hard time remembering that they were ever choices at all.  It seems like a funny paradox that more decisively we embrace the possibilities of our particular destiny--in other words, the more choices we make, the less “free” we are, if by “freedom” we mean having all options open. 
And this might be a clue to understanding the second thing that Jesus says about Mary’s choice of the “better part,” which is that it will not be taken away from her.  Because the only thing we fear more than losing the freedom to do whatever we want, is that we might make a whole-hearted commitment, and then lose what we’ve chosen.  Just because we’ve chosen a particular spouse, or career, or home to live in, doesn’t mean that now we get to keep it forever.  The choice to have children feels at times like such a gut-wrenching risk because there is no guarantee that they will outlive us, or even want to associate with us when their grown.  And that is where the anxiety comes in, the kind of anxiety that drives Martha to keep trying to juggle all the balls and not to drop any of them, even at the cost of her peace of mind; because to do so would be to fail.  She’s afraid to disappoint Jesus, maybe because she's afraid to lose the privilege of serving him.
But if Martha had chosen to welcome Jesus, not only into her home, but also into her heart, and had stopped, and sat, and listened to what he said, she might have heard something that put all of her anxieties into perspective.  She might have seen that the freedom that makes all the difference for our lives does not depend on finishing the chores, or taking a vacation, or retiring from our jobs.  It’s not a freedom we get for ourselves, and so there are no required steps for hanging on to it.   
It’s the freedom that enables us to rejoice when we are suffering, and to hope when we are grieving, to turn homeward when we are lost, and to stand up when we’re oppressed.   I’m talking about the freedom of God, who chose to dwell fully in the human person of Jesus Christ.  I’m talking about the freedom of Christ, who chose to offer his life and death to the mission of reconciling all things to God.  I’m talking about the freedom of the Holy Spirit in the saints, who broke through every barrier of ignorance, hostility, indifference, and incomprehension, to proclaim the riches of Christ’s glory to the whole creation.  All this, so that you and I might have the freedom to choose Christ.  

Sunday, August 16, 2015

The way of wisdom








I had lunch the other day with a friend whose 18 year-old granddaughter was struck and killed by a car in June while jogging near her home in Mill Valley.  He told me about what happened, and its aftermath, and of his struggle to make sense of it.  And he said that he’d kept thinking about all the time that she wouldn’t have, all the life that she wouldn’t live, all the years she should have been in the world but wouldn’t be.  And the injustice and flat-out wrongness of it was heavy on his heart and made him angry at God.  But then, he said, something shifted in his thinking, and he stopped brooding on his granddaughter’s death, and began to remember her life.  Instead of dwelling on her absence, he began to give thanks for her presence.  And about that time she came to him in a sort of waking dream, and he knew that God had not abandoned her, had not forsaken him.
We like to think that God is wise, by which we mean that God knows the right thing to do, and does it.  And if we are good and sincere people, we might hope that God will give us wisdom, too. The biblical figure who traditionally exemplifies this wisdom is Solomon.  Solomon, who, thanks to the crafty politicking of his mother Bathsheba, won out over all his brothers and succeeded his father David on the throne of Israel.  The story says that he was young and inexperienced and overwhelmed by the responsibility of governing the nation, so he went and made sacrifices to God.  And though Solomon sacrificed in the wrong places, God answered his prayers anyway.  God came to Solomon him in a dream and asked what he could do for him, and Solomon didn’t ask for long life or riches, or to be rid of his enemies, but for understanding and discernment, so that he might make wise judgements and be a good king.
The idea that God is the source of wisdom, and desires to teach that wisdom to us, is one of the great themes in the theology of the Bible.  The scriptures not only say that God has created the world, and called Abraham and Sarah and their descendants to be his people; God has not only made a covenant with them, and liberated them from bondage; has not only brought them into a good land, and driven out other nations before them, so that they might dwell there in safety and peace; but God has also given them laws, ordinances, and commandments so that they might gain understanding and learn how to choose what is right.  

The anti-Jewish polemic in the New Testament has caused us to think of the religion of Jesus as legalistic, as if the point of the law in the Hebrew Bible was to follow the rules literally and exactly, so that in doing so, God would find you righteous and favor you.  Of course, that’s one way to interpret it, but that legalistic streak runs through all religions.  There are a lot of Christians who read the Bible as a set of laws, absolute obedience to which, is our ticket to heaven.  But if you read widely in the Bible you find a lot of places, especially in the Psalms, that speak of a very different understanding of the law. 
This is the view that the commandments are the handiwork of God, much like the created world and the great acts of salvation history.   They are not simply arbitrary requirements, but they reveal that God’s purposes are faithful and true.  The point for us is not simply to obey the letter of the law, though that is important, but to study the statutes of God, to keep them in one’s heart and meditate upon them, to delight in them and allow them to illuminate one’s path in life, so that, in time, one might gain insight into the mind that gave them.  It is the contemplation of the awesome grandeur, the sublime justice, the boundless compassion and mercy of that mind, that the Bible calls “the fear of the Lord.”  It is called “fear” not so much because of the threat of punishment for those who disobey, but because one has had first-hand experience, a little taste, has dabbled ones toes in the shallow ripples at the edge of the ultimate mystery.   This fear, the Bible says, is the beginning of wisdom, the way that leads to knowing what God wants and even who God is.
That wisdom is partly the ability to make good choices even when the rules don’t tell you what to do.  We may not have to govern a kingdom, like Solomon, but we all regularly face decisions where there is no clear-cut right-and-wrong, when there are competing principles at stake and it’s not obvious which should prevail.  It is like this for me almost every time someone comes to our parish office asking for financial assistance.  Sometimes the request is simple and I can meet it whole-heartedly without thinking about it very much.  But more often the situation is complicated and I have to weigh my choices carefully. 
I have to consider all different kinds of factors—have I helped this person before, and how recently?  Will the assistance I give have a decisive positive impact, or will it just delay the inevitable?  Is there something else this person needs more than money, and if so, what is it, and is there someone else who can meet that need more effectively than I can?  In the end I have to make the best choice I can, within the limits of my power and my knowledge, and then I have to let go.  The same goes for all kinds of choices I have to make, as a pastoral leader, as a husband and a father, as a citizen of my town and country, and a member of the human race.   I assume it goes for all of us—we make the best choice we can, within the limits of our power and our knowledge, and make the best effort we can to follow through on the consequences, but at certain point, we just have to let go. 
Because there are even more fundamental choices we have to make; we have to choose not just between different courses of action but between different basic orientations to life.  It’s like the choice my friend had to make between agonizing over his granddaughter’s death and being grateful for the gift of her life.  There are things we have no power to alter and no way to understand, realities that confront us with the choice between hope and despair, between love and hate, between peace and retribution.   The wisdom that enables us to affirm the goodness and worthiness of life in the face of these realities is indistinguishable from faith.  It is grounded in humility about the limits of our power and knowledge.  It is freedom from the burden of having to know why everything happens the way it does, or of having to find the one right course of action that will make everything turn out okay.  Wisdom is trust that there is one who will take up where we leave off, who will tie up the loose ends, and catch what falls through the cracks.  
I think our faith in Jesus is faith in this kind of wisdom.  It’s not so much that he sets us a practical example of good habits and sound decision-making.  What I mean is that Jesus lives by what he knows of the living God.  The love and goodness of God is nourishment for him, more essential than food.  And everything he says and does is for the purpose of sharing that heavenly food with us, even giving his body like bread to be broken and his blood to be spilled like wine. 
That gift, raised again and renewed by the Spirit, makes Jesus’ whole life a revelation of the wisdom of God.  In the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus we have an inexhaustible subject of contemplation, disclosing depths that theological theories cannot penetrate, but only the radiance of love.  Such love subverts all worldly wisdom, with truth and power that could only come from an infinite source, from the one who alone can tie up all the loose ends of our ignorance and suffering, and catch what falls through the cracks of death.  And so we give thanks at all times and in all places, because in Jesus we have the bread of eternal life, the wisdom that satisfies a hunger nothing else can fill.    




About Me

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Petaluma, California, United States
I am a priest in the Episcopal Church, and have been (among other things) an organic farmer and gardener, and a Zen monk. I have a lifelong interest in social and spiritual renewal on the basis of contemplative discipline, creative nonviolence, and ecological practice. In recent years my work has focused intensely on the responsibility of pastoral ministry in the humanistic, evangelical, and catholic branch of Christianity known as Anglicanism. I'm married with a daughter, and have three brothers and two parents.